Some days are going to be rough...

...and today was one of those days.
It started out with work. I got my first writing assignment, which is crazy good news! I didn't expect to get a writing assignment so early on, if at all. I had to edit these student bios. I had a rough outline and their answers to some questions, but I had to reorganize them so they flowed well. I spent a good portion of my shift working on them, making them polished. With about 20 minutes left of my shift, I went to email the document to my supervisor. And then the document just disappeared. I was so close to exploding into profanities right there in my cubicle. Instead, I just mutted "whatthefuckwhatthehellwhywhywhy" under my breath as I tried to locate the document. But, despite the fact that I'd been saving it over and over, it wasn't on the computer anywhere that I could find. I reopened the original document and had to re-edit the entire thing in 20 minutes. Luckily, I'd already gone through the larger process of planning everything out before, so I mostly remembered what I'd done before. I managed to finish them, but I feel like the first draft was better. I was so disheartened.

On my way home, about three different people accosted me asking me for change, and I swear to god I don't carry change with me leave me alone. 

I got home, exhausted and frustrated, changed into my regular clothes and dashed off to math. My "friends" that I've been sitting with seemed like they were annoyed that I was there, and they spent the whole class bitching about math. I am also struggling a bit with some of the concepts we're learning, and the teaching style of the class isn't my favorite, but come on. For a lot of us, this is the last math class we'll ever have to take. Quit whining and just get it done! That's my viewpoint, at any rate.

Lunch was another disaster. I got a coffee and sandwich at Starbucks in the hopes that caffeine would wake me up enough to focus for my sociology lecture. But I guess I chugged my coffee too fast so my stomach ached all afternoon. It's finally settling down, thankfully.

Sociology was interesting, as always, but the projector is always out of focus so I practically had a migraine by the end of the class from squinting at the blurry screen.

Overall, lately I've just been really missing having close friends to rely on. I miss having a group of people that I know genuinely enjoy my company, care about my opinions, want to listen to me, care about me in general, and make me feel wanted. I feel like everyone I've met so far is kind of annoyed by me, or thinks I'm weird. Or is just using me as someone to sit with or talk at, not really caring about my life or stories or interests. I hate feeling so alone.

As fun. says in one of my new favorite songs, "If you're lost and alone, or you're sinking like a stone, carry on." And god knows I'm going to try.

College life is going to have its ups and downs. All I want right now is the comfort of someone who loves me to be with, to feel that security of knowing I have people to rely on nearby. But those relationships take time, I suppose.

Here's hoping carrying on pays off sooner rather than later.

-Audrey