Some days are going to be rough...

...and today was one of those days.
It started out with work. I got my first writing assignment, which is crazy good news! I didn't expect to get a writing assignment so early on, if at all. I had to edit these student bios. I had a rough outline and their answers to some questions, but I had to reorganize them so they flowed well. I spent a good portion of my shift working on them, making them polished. With about 20 minutes left of my shift, I went to email the document to my supervisor. And then the document just disappeared. I was so close to exploding into profanities right there in my cubicle. Instead, I just mutted "whatthefuckwhatthehellwhywhywhy" under my breath as I tried to locate the document. But, despite the fact that I'd been saving it over and over, it wasn't on the computer anywhere that I could find. I reopened the original document and had to re-edit the entire thing in 20 minutes. Luckily, I'd already gone through the larger process of planning everything out before, so I mostly remembered what I'd done before. I managed to finish them, but I feel like the first draft was better. I was so disheartened.

On my way home, about three different people accosted me asking me for change, and I swear to god I don't carry change with me leave me alone. 

I got home, exhausted and frustrated, changed into my regular clothes and dashed off to math. My "friends" that I've been sitting with seemed like they were annoyed that I was there, and they spent the whole class bitching about math. I am also struggling a bit with some of the concepts we're learning, and the teaching style of the class isn't my favorite, but come on. For a lot of us, this is the last math class we'll ever have to take. Quit whining and just get it done! That's my viewpoint, at any rate.

Lunch was another disaster. I got a coffee and sandwich at Starbucks in the hopes that caffeine would wake me up enough to focus for my sociology lecture. But I guess I chugged my coffee too fast so my stomach ached all afternoon. It's finally settling down, thankfully.

Sociology was interesting, as always, but the projector is always out of focus so I practically had a migraine by the end of the class from squinting at the blurry screen.

Overall, lately I've just been really missing having close friends to rely on. I miss having a group of people that I know genuinely enjoy my company, care about my opinions, want to listen to me, care about me in general, and make me feel wanted. I feel like everyone I've met so far is kind of annoyed by me, or thinks I'm weird. Or is just using me as someone to sit with or talk at, not really caring about my life or stories or interests. I hate feeling so alone.

As fun. says in one of my new favorite songs, "If you're lost and alone, or you're sinking like a stone, carry on." And god knows I'm going to try.

College life is going to have its ups and downs. All I want right now is the comfort of someone who loves me to be with, to feel that security of knowing I have people to rely on nearby. But those relationships take time, I suppose.

Here's hoping carrying on pays off sooner rather than later.

-Audrey

White-washing the A!

Hiking up the butte at 9 in the morning!

The lovely view of ASU!!!

This is where I splashed my white paint! 

Afterwards... accomplished, sweaty, and exhausted.

So today I went with 4 of the residents from my dorm and 3 CAs/Peer Mentors up to the Tempe butte where A mountain is. It was already hot at a little after 9 in the morning, but I was prepared with a hat, sunblock, and plenty of water. The trek up the mountain wasn't exactly treacherous, but I did have my fair share of stumbles. There was a little tent set up with tables covered in cups of white paint and tons of people behind the tables yelling "DO NOT DRINK THE PAINT!" Everyone grabbed a cup and then continued up to the A, trying not to spill paint all over themselves. I went about halfway up the A (to the line through the middle, thereabouts) and tossed my cup of paint onto the yellow. It wasn't exactly the life-changing, thrilling experience it was built up to be, but I'm glad I did it. In that moment, pouring a Dixie cup of white paint onto our school's symbol, I did feel like I was a part of the community, I really did.

That's kind of what college has already done for me so far. It's made me someone different from the high schooler I was just a week ago. I'm getting up early, walking around outside, willfully going out into the hot sun to hike up the buttes on a weekend when I could be sleeping in. I may have been sick for the first few days, but I'm getting better now and I couldn't be happier to be part of Arizona State University.

In other news, I got my job schedule for next week for my FIRST JOB EVER, as a Student Writer for the school's Enrollment Marketing and Communications office. I'm so so so excited to be earning money, lemme tell you. I've been spending a lot of it this week, although not recklessly. It's been pretty much entirely on food, except for buying myself a new lanyard for my keys.

French class yesterday was wonderful. The teacher is only 24, and she's so sweet. It reminded me a lot of my high school French class, which is comforting because I feel like I'll be able to succeed easier that way. It was small, too, only about 10 or so students.

I'm spending all day tomorrow with my family, and I'm so excited. I can't wait!

-Audrey

first day of classes: done.

Today was my first day of classes. It started out at 8am when I woke up after an rather interrupted night of sleep (thanks, thunderstorm). Then I sat around getting more and more nervous until 11:30, when I went down and walked down to the Computing Commons, where my MATH 142 class was being held. First college class ever, here we go.

It wasn't what I expected a college math class to be like. In fact, it felt a lot like high school. We all sat at computers and did online math work. I was a little annoyed because I'm not a big fan of online classes, but it wasn't too bad in the end. I met a really nice girl who also has Sociology 101 and my college success seminar class with me. After math, the two of us met up with Derek and went to the MU for lunch. I was actually feeling hungry for the first time in a few days, so I made the foolish decision to get Burger King chicken strips and fries. God, I've been suffering from indigestion for nearly 8 hours now. Not cool.

After lunch, my new friend Ellen went back to her dorm and Derek and I hung out at my dorm for a little while until 2:30, when I headed over to my sociology class. Let me tell you, if my math class felt like high school, sociology definitely felt like college. The lecture hall could seat 435ish people, and it was basically full. Luckily, Ellen and I got seats in the 3rd row. My teacher is wonderful so far. She's from Denmark, she's witty, and the course information sounds extremely interesting. I have no experience in sociology, so I'm eager to learn more.

When class ended, I went back to my dorm to gripe about my stomach pain and get a head start on my math homework. Around 6, me and Dominic met up at the MU so I could try out my meal plan in the dining hall. Sadly, all I could stomach was a few bites of disappointing tomato soup and some crackers and Sprite, but I'm eager for my stomach to ache less, because there's SO. MUCH. FOOD. Later, Dominic and I made a spectacle of ourselves by laughing too loudly at the concept of a cad.

I got back to my dorm around 7:30 and worked on my math some more. Now I can hear people partying and blasting obnoxious music from the second floor outside, while I sit indoors taking notes on inductive reasoning and watching foreign short films about gay couples.

Yes, I am the coolest college kid.

I've got French class tomorrow, and then the glorious weekend. That's all for now!

-Audrey

Fall Welcome

The above is a cell-phone shot of the entire Wells Fargo Arena lit up with cell phones and glowsticks and lighters during the B.o.B. concert last night as part of the Fall Welcome.
Unfortunately, this is the only picture I got of any of the events from Fall Welcome, which is a shame because it was really awesome. First thing was the 9:15am walk to the LL building, where I met all the other English/Film & Media Studies majors in CLAS (college of liberal arts and sciences). I met a really nice girl, and the two of us walked together to Gammage Auditorium, where all the CLAS students were gathered together and the different majors were announced and talked about. Then we were released. They gave us t-shirts!
I met up with my friend Danyel afterwards and we went to get some food. I had a yogurt and some saltines, because my stomach is still acting stupid, and then we walked over to the Wells Fargo Arena (WHICH IS REALLY FAR AWAY FYI and I've walked back and forth from there like 5 times already since I moved in) for the FALL WELCOME CEREMONY THING. It was so fucking cool. All the freshman were packed into this arena and there was so much cool stuff happening. Different clubs performed (such as the acappella girl's choir, who sang Survivor), and lots of inspirational, school-spirity videos played. We learned the fight song, but all I remember is when we say "GIVE EM HELL, DEVILS" and" maroon and GOLD." Oh yes, and the end where we put our pitchforks in the air and say "ASU!!" That's my favorite part.
I'll admit, I'm a sucker for school spirit and the sense of community and I got chills during every one of those cheesy videos. I love ASU already.
After the ceremony thing, Danyel and I met up with Dominic and my friend Molly and her friend and we all got some food at the MU. I had some soup, which was the most substantial thing I'd eaten since Sunday. Then I went back to my dorm to try and nap (but mostly text my parents to complain about my stomach) before the concert.
The concert was not my style of music, but it was still a fun experience. I met some really nice CAs, and I enjoyed walking back to my dorm in the rain afterwards. I did lose my lanyard, but luckily I still have all my keys and stuff.

Today, I woke up feeling fine, but as soon as I started eating I felt nauseous again. I'm trying to eat a small yogurt right now. It's incredibly frustrating to still feel sick after 4 days of being here, but I am trying my best to get food in me so that I can start to feel better.

Anyway, that's all for now. Tomorrow I start classes--yikes!

-Audrey

The sickly college freshman returns

This is the face of someone who has been ill for the past 24 hours. Not exactly the best start to my adulthood and college career. I did manage to get TOTALLY lost today the one time I decided to go out by myself and do something. I was going to meet my dad at the Student Services Building so I could drop off some paperwork and then he was going to take me to buy some food. Allow me to give you a visual of how far the Student Services Building is from my dorm:

MCL is my dorm. SSV is the Student Services Building. Not far, right? For reference, the MU is about a 5 minute walk from my dorm. So this should have taken maybe 7 minutes, right?
Oh, my friend, how wrong you are. So I was meant to meet my dad at 11:30. I left around 11:20. I wandered around, using my campus map, but I was still pretty disoriented. There was a booth with a guy answering questions, so I asked him how to get to the SSV. He told me to just follow the Forest Mall. Easy enough. But somehow, I got totally turned around. I called my Dad around 11:40 because he was texting me asking where I was, and let me just share with you the path I ended up taking:

How fucking ridiculous is that?! When my dad found out how far out of the way I was, he was flabbergasted. I probably walked for about a half hour total, in the hot (HOT HOT HOT) sun, with no food in my stomach save a few bites of bagel (oh yeah, did I mention that my illness is a stomach bug that makes me not at all hungry so I haven't eaten a proper meal since Sunday morning oops), and I was sweating so much it was disgusting. Oddly, my stomach didn't hurt nearly as badly as it had been, although I was exhausted.
Long story short I finally made it to SSV and completed all my tasks. The rest of today has been spent dozing in bed and crying because I miss my mommy and daddy. I've finally worked up enough appetite to eat some saltines and drink vitamin water, so I think I'm finally starting to get better. Which is good, because tomorrow is busy busy busy!
I don't really know what else to day... I guess I'll take some pictures of my dorm and give you a ~tour or something.

Here's the inside of my closet

Here's my desk... already messy, oops. 

My bed!

This is my roommate's side of the room. Observe the fridge and microwave (we share that)

And here's our sink area. I'd show you the bathroom but I'm afraid my suitemates would walk in and it'd be weird.

Anyway, that's all for now! I'll try to update again tomorrow to let you all know about the assembly and the concert tomorrow. :)

Bye for now!
-Audrey

a word of encouragement

We are about to enter a very new and very different and very disorienting time, fellow college freshman. We are leaving the world of childhood and irresponsibility and petty high schoolers behind.
Maybe you're leaving home. Maybe not. But in any case, your life is about to change. College is oh so different from any experience we've had before. And it's totally normal to feel like you're just not fucking ready.

But think of this. Your life is nothing if not a series of adventures that will shape you irrevocably. And clinging to the past feels safe and secure and un-scary, but the future holds so much that you'll miss out on if you don't let go of your baggage and step forward into the new light.

Do not cry because the way things were are changing. Smile because the way things were, it was all wonderful. The experiences you had turned you into something beautiful, something unique. That something is you. And you can only become more beautiful and unique and you if you let the new experiences in.

Take a deep breath. The plunge is the scariest part. You're going to hit the water hard, no matter what, and it's going to hurt at first on impact, but then suddenly you're swimming in brand new water and it's beautiful and new and you'll be full of awe. And then it becomes home. Your new sea.

You are not going to lose your past, those things so dear to you that you are so afraid of leaving behind and losing forever. They will stay with you, in your heart, forever. And when you need them most, they will still be there.

You will meet new people and do new things and your routine will be overturned and rearranged and you will bloom and grow and change and this is good, this is so good and wonderful and magnificent. Because you are just starting to be who you truly are, your potential is just being realized, and you are going to do and see so much.

And you should be proud of yourself, right now, for taking this first step. Now close your eyes and picture yourself in the future, looking back on all of this that you are about to experience. You're going to be so proud of yourself then.

The brink is an overwhelming place to be. But instead of looking behind you at everything you'll miss, look ahead, out across the horizon, and enjoy the view.

preparation

So I've been packing up the contents of my room the past few days....

It's pretty cray. Today was especially bittersweet because I took down a bunch of things from my walls and cleaned off my bulletin board.

this is the before...

...and the after.

I think the whole college preparation is really the most bittersweet thing. My dad asked me today, "Have you ever been more excited and sad at the same time in your life?" And I really haven't. I keep reading all these lists of things to remember while going into college and I'm so, SO excited. I'm excited to experience all of it, to become a new person and meet people and grow and change and do things I've never done before. And at the same time, I'm sad to be taking down posters and photos and basically my childhood life is being packed away into boxes. I'm sad to leave home, at least a little bit. And I'm sad to see all my younger friends going back to high school and knowing I'm not joining them.
BUT THEN, OH THEN. I think about how fucking cool college is going to be. I have a job on campus, in the field I want to work in (writing) and I mean how many people get to do that as a freshman??!! I'm just crazy excited for everything to start and I can't WAIT for Sunday so I can begin all of this, my new life as an adult.
And then, yet again, I can't help but feel a little melancholy.
But change is good. I'm about to start a journey that I am so, so eager for.
It's going to be awesome. I can't wait to share it with you.

-Audrey